Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize