beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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