I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
