You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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