my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
