you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
