remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
