Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
