i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
