I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize