Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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