just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
