If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
