The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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