how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
