First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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