I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
no you cant smoke seaweed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
