I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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