He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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