Please, let me fuck your mom
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
