I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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