Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
