i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
