what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
