I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
