i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
