your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
