At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
