Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
