just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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