you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
