She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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