So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
