I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
