Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
