and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
