If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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