You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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