she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
