it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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