Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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