shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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