just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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