You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
