4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize