Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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