I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So many bounce houses so little time
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
