Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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