The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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