i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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