I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize