Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
