i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
