two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize