You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
