It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
