Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
