My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
