Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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