I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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