I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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