Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
