I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
