Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
