it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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