You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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