Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
