Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
