Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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