Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
