i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
