I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
