mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
