I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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