I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
