dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
