did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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