found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
