and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize