She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize