just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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