Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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