Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
