Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
