Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
