Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
