Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
