I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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