When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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