So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
