Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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