I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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