just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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